I’ve Been Down On Love, Lately…

Have You Ever Met A Woman Who Fell Out Of Love With Love?

 

I would always tell myself, no matter what, I’ll still believe in love… now I’m questioning whether I believe in love and real relationships….

In my opinion, relationships aren’t real because people in general aren’t real. When you meet someone nowadays, you’re most likely meeting their representative; someone who ACTS like they’re interested, someone who ACTS like they have money, someone who ACTS like they want a relationship, someone who ACTS like they’re being honest. Only to later find out, all this was an ACT and that you involuntarily signed up for something that you would normally turn down. Instead of calling them representatives, we should call them ACTORS.

I was the only woman in my group of friends who thought love existed. I would always say, “no matter what I’ll believe in love”. My cousin would say, “not me, I don’t believe in that shit anymore!” I’ll look at her like she was bugging… (guess what? now she’s in a relationship and I’m over here questioning, love. Go figure!)

But, as time passed I started to become discouraged, especially after getting divorced…

So, I started going to love/relationship seminars, like Tony Gaskins and Mike Reid’s “Love Tour” to regain my belief. They would always say, “always believe in love”. I told Tony Gaskins that after I broke up with my ex husband I definitely didn’t believe in marriage anymore. He looked at me like I was nuts! He said, “you have to believe, being single isn’t a curse”. Now, I don’t think single is a curse, I just think that sometimes we need companionship, someone to talk to, someone to tell us it’s ok, besides our friends or family members.

I still wasn’t a firm believer, but I wasn’t a non believer either…

I took time off to truly enjoy my own company, because they say, “if you can’t enjoy your own company, why would anyone else?”

I decided to go on vacation to clear my mind. At least that was my excuse for going on vacation for the second time in two months…

So, I’m on vacation by myself in the Dominican Republic, enjoying my own company, until men started approaching me, asking why was I sitting by myself for breakfast, lunch and dinner. They were shocked to find out that I was there alone (my mother kept telling me not to tell anyone I was there alone anymore. Of course she was afraid someone would kidnap me, but whoever would do such a thing?). “What’s a pretty girl like you doing by herself?” they would ask. I even met two women who asked, “Is it hard for a girl like yourself to find a boyfriend in New York?”

Now, of course we have to take into consideration that I do live in New York and most men from New York live a lifestyle whereas they have multiple women (I know some people are reading this saying, “not my man!” yea, ok..). They seem to treat all of them equally, i.e.; share equal emotions with several women (I know I’ve written about this before).

Now I don’t mind options, but how long are we going to weigh our options? In the beginning, most people aren’t taking anything serious, so yes, one might be talking to multiple people. But, when does it end? when does “talking” to others become less frequent and more exclusive with one person?

I started dating again. Most people that think they know me would say that I jumped back into dating and didn’t take enough time off, but other people can’t tell you how much time you need off; it’s ultimately your decision.

I never brought any residue from my past relationship to anyone that I actually liked, at least I think I didn’t. I did meet some ACTORS, some perpetrators some potentials, but I wasn’t in it wholeheartedly. Mostly because I didn’t want to get hurt and then have to start all over again… But, I did find someone that I liked, didn’t work out, but it was a good try.

I don’t get why love/relationships are the biggest taboo words of the millennium. It’s either men really can’t commit or women are just allowing them to do as they please, while we try to be better than the other chick he’s messing with. slowly killing ourselves, becoming miserable.

So, do I believe in love after all of this? Nope, but I’m not as discouraged as I was before. Whenever my time comes, it will come. It’s just not my time now. Am I gonna go into “relationships” thinking that the other person is an “actor”? yes, until they show me otherwise. I’m not with the shits anymore. I don’t want to be dealing with someone, who’s dealing with someone else. And if that’s something that I have to deal with because of my geographical location, then let me stay single, make money and save up for a yacht.

But, I am happy for those who found love, because it’s like finding a needle in a haystack. If it’s genuine, hold onto it. Don’t let anyone break it and if you happen to get married, I would love an invite, because I love the open bar at the reception AND the photo booth!:)

Art By: Ray Styles

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About WhoIsKayJames

Just a single girl in the city, having fun while being a cool ass mom...