An Inquiring Teenager And A Mother That Tries Her Best to Explain Things She Doesn’t Necessarily Know Herself…


* This post was written a couple months ago, my life has been a little hectic so I haven’t been writing. I hope you Enjoy!*



Very recently, my son and I were driving to the theater to see Spider-Man: Far From Home (which was actually really good) and he asked me…

“How do people transgender?”

Of course I was taken aback! Why is he asking me this?! is there something I should know???? I know he’s kissed a girl, missed a girl he just met on a cruise when he had to come back home, text girls had a girlfriend, ask girls for their snapchat, did a ll the stuff 15 year old boys do, but of course… I had mini breakdown ignoring everything that I already knew about my own son…

“Is there something you’re trying to tell me?”

“Yo, tell me now! I don’t need the streets telling me!” 

“Hello!whats going on?!”

“Why do you need to know this?!”

mr krabs

My son usually lets me have my breakdowns. He waits patiently until its over, then he answers all questions. I honestly think his father taught him this technique behind my back or he’s just used to this from me. Either way, he let me have my moment, as usual looking at me as if I were crazy while shaking his head, then said,

“No, theres nothing I need to tell you, I just don’t get how a girl can turn into a guy and have facial hair and a voice like a boy or the other way around”

This came as a shock to me because he has been around a person that has trans into another sex and adjusted to it. Used  the right pronouns faster than I did! Never really asked questions, I always asked how was it so easy for him to adjust and he just said he has always seen that person as that sex, so it was easy for him.

So, why are we back here again?

Back when the person transgendered, my son was younger; he was like 11/12/13-ish. Maybe it really didn’t bother him or he didn’t pay it much attention. I have gay/lesbian friends, so he wasn’t new to that. Being around gay or lesbians at that age, it was just “basic”, “this person acts like a woman or acts like a male” in his young mind. Now that he’s 15, I think he’s starting to see pass the basics and now he’s not understanding how the transitioning works.

When I was young, there weren’t any transgender people around or in the media. There were mostly, men that dressed up as women. They didn’t transform their bodies. As for the females, they just dressed like men or shaved their hair low. So, I can’t relate to him, I can’t say, “when I was your age, I knew a transgender person and this is what they told me”. So my childhood and this generations childhood when it comes to LBGTQ issues are very different. Now, children are actually seeing people transform right in front their eyes and have to adjust to it or be called a bully or insensitive and a lot of times, its not their fault. They just don’t understand.

Speaking of when I was younger, my uncle is gay. So I grew up around a lot of his friends. He never came out and said he was gay, EVER. We just assumed he was because of the company he kept. So, I’ve always been around a part of the gay community. I remember the first time he made me go to a gay club with him. Now my uncle is 20 plus years my senior, but we’ve always been close. We were in Atlanta, at my aunts house and he comes in the kitchen and says to me, “where going out tonight!” I’m about Twenty-four never been to a gay club before and never partied with my uncle. I tell him let me take a nap in hopes he forgets that were supposed to go out. 12am comes, I get woken up and told to get ready (my plan didn’t work!). I get ready, I drive out to the club we enter and the gays see me come in with my uncle, they say, “you a real girl?!” then start grabbing my crotch , to make sure and telling me how pretty I am. Of course this experience was weird but fun. That night my uncle was at one side of the club (because I wasn’t trying to block his game) and I was on the other enjoying myself by dancing and drinking. I had a good time and from then on I’ve always enjoyed gay clubs. I remember my first time going to Langstons in Bedstuy, Brooklyn, lets just say, when Beyonce “Crazy in Love” came on I was challenged by a gay man to a dance contest and I kindly declined, he was not about to embarrass me on the dance floor. Langstons was a always a good time, never discriminated against the straight girls coming in there partying with the gays. I was sad when it closed. The owner did everything to keep it open, but lost the battle.


Enough of my stories of my experiences, lets get back to my son and I…

We arrived at the movie theater, I parked my car and decided to try and give him a crash course in transitioning, to the best of my knowledge. I’m no expert, but I do ask a lot of questions so, I think I know a little something about how this works, just a little, like literally the basics.

I tried to be as real as possible, I don’t sugarcoat anything. I told him there are hormones they take, either in a pill or shots. If a female is trying to transition into a male, she would take male hormones to make him grow a beard and have a voice change, look more masculine and all their female features will go away after time. Same happens when a male wants to transition into a female. I also told him taking hormones can be a difficult process, theres side effects such as, mood swings and sometimes depression. Also,some people get surgery to have female/male genitals. It’s  not easy, but its done because that’s what they identify as.

He seemed like he got it. There are so many different compartments of the LBGTQ community and as he asks questions on the subject, I’ll try my best to educate, but if I don’t have the answers, we’ll both have to go to google university (which I have done in the past, because there were terms in the LBGTQ language that I didn’t know).

I think its important to educate kids on this subject especially in the black community, so they can be aware and not to be in the dark about whats going on around them. You can be more sympathetic/empathetic and have more compassion towards people if you understand what they are going through.

In my opinion, we should start educating first, instead of putting the “strange” kid in the gay category. Everything isn’t gay or lesbian. I just feel like, nowadays we push children into a corner of being a certain way because they aren’t like everyone else, instead of explaining the concept to them and asking if thats what they identify as.

I almost did that from, just a question out of curiosity

Disclaimer: I want to say that, I don’t necessarily agree with everything that the LGBTQ+ community does. I don’t care about their sexual preference, whats done in public or on television and I’m against bullying and discrimination of any kind. But I do think that sometimes, they are the bullies and everything isn’t homophobia. I can talk about that in another post.

*The flag above is a LGBTQ + STRAIGHT ALLY FLAG. Which is a person who supports equal civil rights and gender equality*