Convincing Myself To believe That “I’m Not Ready”

Everyday I drink two glasses of red wine and frequently, I read relationship books. I follow relationship gurus on social media and I often screenshot their quotes. I often see them telling women to take time out before jumping into a relationship. Then, I went to a Tony Gaskins seminar and he told a woman that even though her ex might have moved on, she should take time before she does. When he said that, I thought to myself, “Why is it OK for men to move on, and not women? Is it because we take more time to heal or is it that men are always perceived to be the one who broke the relationship and therefore he’s free to go, while we’re trapped in our feelings of hurt and guilt?” Although I agree that women should take time out for themselves, I can’t agree that there’s a longer waiting period for women than there is for men. But I know, most times we think it’s “too fast” or “too soon”. I’m also guilty of thinking this way…

In my circumstance, I try to convince myself that I’m not ready to entertain anyone right now, although, I think I am capable of being in a relationship or getting to know someone and I’m quite sure I’ve healed, I just tell myself I’m not ready because I don’t know when the time is right. I meet guys, and when someone asks me if I like the person, my response is, “I’m not ready to like anyone right now”. When I play that response back in my head I ask myself, “am I depriving myself of meeting someone I might actually enjoy being around just because, I’m ‘supposed’ to take time off?” or maybe it’s because, I’m just starting to enjoy my own company and I don’t want the responsibility of caring about another person’s feelings OR maybe I like saying, “Girl, I ain’t got no man!”

I want to meet new people, but is everyone ready for me to meet someone new? I also fight with the thought of, “Are my family and friends ready for me to enjoy the company of someone else, besides the person they’ve seen me with for years?” it’s not a long fight though, because I try not to let the opinion of others get to me, but it does cross my mind from time to time.

So, how much time is one suppose to take off?… People tell you take your time, but how much time? Yet, these are same people who tell you to go out and meet new people. I just don’t want my thoughts to prevent me from actually meeting the right person or enjoying someone else’s company. Then again, I don’t want to jump into something that could be totally wrong for me either. Sometimes I tell myself that, since I WAS in a relationship for years, I’m allowed to get it wrong a couple of times before I get it right. But I don’t want to get it wrong too many times before getting it right. So, I think I’ll take it slow, but not snail-crawling slow, but “baby-learning-to-walk-for-the-first-time” slow; you know, they fall a couple of times before they make those first few steps, then they wobble when they start making those steps, with their hands out looking for something to hold on to, then they start to walk with confidence…gradual progress, but progress, nonetheless.

But I’ll always make sure I have options, not so many options that I can’t keep up with my options, but options. 🙂


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